i make terrible decisions

i really do.

but i'm tired of being second choice.

i think i knew it all along but just needed a little confirmation of my complete stupidity.

i'm worth being someone's first choice.

i'm tired of fucking around.

18?

its been a rather mundane day so far.
studying a lot.
downloading more music than i know what to do with.
its empowered female artist day for me today.

Lil' Kim
M.I.A.
Amy Winehouse

its good to hear some of this stuff.



counting down the weeks till chicago.
i hope i'm not making a mistake by going.



mid packing. i need to clean. and sand. and paint.
fuck i have no time.

17

to do:
bank some cash money (set up direct deposit so i dont have to think about it)
sand walls at apartment
stop driving my new car like a pussy (its manual... i suck)
make playlists for roadtrip in march
pack my room up (i move in 2 and a half weeks)
find someone who wants to buy my totaled car for parts?!
take billions of pictures of everything
sleeeeeeeep
watch the rest of twin peaks
finish my kafka book

not to do:
give a fuck about anything

competency

I have a lot resting on today.
I know for a fact that i've worked myself up to the point where i'm slightly hysterical.
Inside anyway.
I think i'm pretty good at masking how i'm feeling sometimes.
I suppose thats not necessarily a good thing all the time.
I dont play poker so really, i'm not sure what good it is at all.

I am stressed.
But by 2:45 hopefully it'll all be over and i can sigh relief and move on.
Fuck some school.

fuck

so today started out just fine
then i wrecked my car
then mitch wrecked his car
and julia wrecked her car
and big mike got blown off the road in his car
and my dear friend lynn lost her father.

what the hell?

biking to work tomorrow.
i open.
its going to be invigorating.

i lied.
i'm definitely not defeated at all.
i'm so so not defeated.

i'm on fire baby.
take it take it like you know that you want to.


my name is micah
and i'm totally fine.
life is fantastic.
my friends are fantastic.
my apartment plumbing got fixed today.
i have heat.
and a job.
and i'm irresistable.

planning to go to chicago for st. ratrick's day.
virgin chicago experience.
asking off of work tomorrow.

grrrr. i feel great.

i quit.
seriously.



defeated.