i'm quiet. a lot of things have happened and i'm still trying to absorb it all and figure out whether or not the events of this past week will have life-long implications. like i said, i'm at a loss. i know that i'm a strong willed individual. but i know that i hold things in quite often instead of discussing them and working through them. as strong willed as i am, i also have a terrible meekness that comes over me. i'm not even sure if meek is a good word for it. maybe "i lose the capability to think of appropriate adjectives and come up with clever quips in my defense" is a little closer to the truth. i freeze up. however, if i have the time, or take the time to do my research, to get my hypothetical notes together, then there is no chance to withstand my rants. i would make an excellent debater.

i need to sleep. i feel worn out. i'm tired of cleaning up the mess; both literally and figuratively.