Sunday, January 18, 2009

say fuck the lemons and bail

this has been an interesting weekend to be sure. friday was great, until i got home of course. jerry and troy made the best goddamn pizza i've ever had in my life. saturday was my christmas work party. we like to procrastinate. after the party though there was the show at bikehaus, which turned out to be the best fun i've had all goddamn year, and beyond the scope of 2009, it was a pretty memorable night in my history. some stupid fuckers tried to start shit and that wasnt cool. but it was a fun night. i didn't go home, however, and just crashed on a couch. this in turn cost me my cell phone. fucking parents. i'm 18 goddamn years old, pay for school, for insurance, for gas, and they think that they can turn my phone off because i dont meet curfew. who the fuck still has a curfew? they're psychotic christian people that hate who i am because i dont read the bible and drop everything i'm doing to think "what would jesus do?" i'm terrible because i dont hang out with "respectable christian friends" all the goddamn time. i'm arrogant because i didnt want to drive drunk. i'm selfish because when i'm not working or in school, i dont want to be doing all the house work while everyone else in the house does shit. this isnt working. i need a new place. i need a me place. anyway, hopefully getting a new phone tomorrow. shitty that i cant keep my number, but i guess there's only a few people that regularly text or call me so the list of people needing the new number wont be very high. its one less thing they have on me.

my muscles are sore from a great deal of dancing and flailing. i'm supposed to do breakfast with my mom tomorrow because she thinks we need to talk. we dont need to talk. she wont listen to anything i say because she already has me written off as a failure who cant make decent decisions or be trusted with her own life. its my goddamn life, i'll do what the hell i want with it. and if i make mistakes, its part of the fucking learning process. my hair is getting long. i think i might cut it tomorrow with some clippers. the back sticks up funny. i look like a 12 year old boy when i towel dry it after a shower. and my bangs are poking me in the eyes. fuck. today i slept. i'm going to sleep after i finish reading "the fun home." its about lesbians. my mom thinks i'm a lesbian because i dont talk to her about boys. if i talked to her about boys she'd have to make sure they were christian and that they loved jesus more than air and that they would never think of touching their precious innocent little girl. they'd make him come over and play board games to "get to know the family" but they'd never aprove. because, i, i make the worst fucking decisions and need to be sent somewhere far away where other people can tell me who the fuck to be and how the fuck to act. my mother wants a robot.

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