i'm quiet. a lot of things have happened and i'm still trying to absorb it all and figure out whether or not the events of this past week will have life-long implications. like i said, i'm at a loss. i know that i'm a strong willed individual. but i know that i hold things in quite often instead of discussing them and working through them. as strong willed as i am, i also have a terrible meekness that comes over me. i'm not even sure if meek is a good word for it. maybe "i lose the capability to think of appropriate adjectives and come up with clever quips in my defense" is a little closer to the truth. i freeze up. however, if i have the time, or take the time to do my research, to get my hypothetical notes together, then there is no chance to withstand my rants. i would make an excellent debater.

i need to sleep. i feel worn out. i'm tired of cleaning up the mess; both literally and figuratively.

work was awful tonight. too many servers, too few guests, too much drama. needless to say, i didnt make the money i wanted to make, or needed to make, this evening due to the boundless negative factors of tonight. so now here i am, sitting in front of my computer with fausto on my lap and his face hiding securely in my deep v neck shirt (he doesnt like the light in his precious little eyes when he's trying to sleep.) i should be studying calculus, that dreaded math to which i was actually looking forward to taking at the beginning of this autumn quarter. its funny how an awful professor can change all expectations and ruin something that one very well may have loved intensely. now, suppose if i had gotten a wonderful professor, one who knew how to explain concepts and theories, and explain them all in english; i quite possibly could have loved calculus so much that i went on to make it my life passion and found a mathematical cure for world hunger or something of the sort? just suppose...

anyway, looks like nick's dodged the bullet at work so far, but with the uncertainness that comes with working for the Wade's, i'm not sure this victory is long lasted. sometimes i wish i could just show people how stupid they are. but then again, someone out there is probably saying the same thing about me. i dont think of myself as being the smartest, highest evolved person living on this earth; that would adequately make me one of the more stupid individuals that walk this earth. however, i do think that sometimes i havent been polluted with some of the life experiences with which others have been polluted; say never having known what it is to actually work for instance, having too much money and too much time. the Wade's treat people like chess pieces. who will make them the most money? who will entertain them the best? who will be willing to completely sell themselves out simply because the Wade's asked them to? its a silly game of cat and mouse and because the Wades have money and the employment opportunities, people will do desperate things to make them happy, even if that means self degradation.

okay, my rant against current circumstances needs to end, i need to teach myself calculus and get my dog off my lap and drink a modello, the last flavor of summer.

I'm eating Chipotle, thus my dog has become the neediest puppy of all trying to get a nibble of rice, beans and chicken. He's very proud of himself for learning how to stick his paws down my shirt so that I'm exposed and for learning how to jump on my lap from the ground. I just never know when I'm going to be attacked by the speedy, eight-pound monster that is Fausto. Now, I call him a monster, but in reality, he's a very sweet dog that keeps me company when no one wants to do anything and Nick is at work. He's also very good at keeping the floor clean from food particles that may attract pesky ants.
I never realized how long I've been at UC until I got the email a few days ago telling me that my early registration for next quarter was available on the 25. I'm a fourth year sophomore, due to changing my mind a time or two and wasting time on unnecessary classes. But, as I was saying, I have the earliest early registration date. By now, I probably have accrued about 160+ credit hours. I'm fairly happy with my schedule for the winter quarter, although I would love my Digital Photography class to not be at 8 am. However disdainful the time slot, I'm still exited to be taking a fine arts class, especially one that will inform me on the usage of my Nikon D-40, which I've had since my high school graduation and have only been able to putter around with. This class is going to open up a wide variety of photographic opportunities for me. Yay! On the other end of the spectrum though, my 5 credit hour financial accounting class is going to take some real effort to be interesting. I hope that it's easy enough to stay focused next quarter. i'm only taking 4 classes, but its still 15 credit hours. Blah blah blah. Sorry to bore.
In other news, I bought my very first pair of Frye boots yesterday morning. Words cannot describe how excited I am; I've been waiting to finally be able to afford them and to begin building a wardrobe that I'll have for the rest of my life. They should arrive in the mail on Wednesday or Thursday; my fingers are crossed for Wednesday though, because I don't work and will be able to wear them all day! So what... I'm easily amused.

fucked

today has been a pretty productive day. as i sit at my desk (i suppose technically its nick's, but thats semantics at this point) fausto is groaning while in attempt to get comfortable on my lap, some neighborhood kids are screaming in the community garden and on the basketball courts, and i am just starting to feel the food coma from tofu pad thai setting in. i have two exams to study for, but i'm not really in the mood for microeconomics or calculus at the moment. my homework for my spitefully early 8 am class tomorrow is finished, so, for the moment, i am caught up. the only thing that could make this afternoon, scratch that, this day, any better, would be if the terribly rude seller on half.com would kindly give me my money back so i can actually buy my book for the quarter.

backstory

this is where i revamp this blog and attempt to start anew, but with all my old content intact. a fresh start, with some archaic history (previous postings and such.)


my name is micah, and we'll just leave that at that.
i have aspirations, hopes, goals and dreams, just like every red blooded human. to be heard is one of those aspirations. this desire to be heard is not stemmed from any thought that what i have to say is superior to anyone else's voice out there, nor is it rooted in any idea that it will one day make me famous and known. i just need to vent. and i believe that that is all my blog is; the idea of blogging into a global network for any reason, is really a reason to vent, to express your feelings without the repercussions of criticism to ones face or input from a second or third party. it is a way to express something raw and insightful into the mind of the writer without the awkwardness of expressing such things face to face with the same multitude of people that will now have access to this blog. whether that multitude finds its way to this humble little blog is another thing.
i simply want to express the way life is from my perspective; to have a way of remembering and sharing the good, the bad and the ridiculous. to live my life as i please and share it with the world to take as they please and to dissect as they will. this is me. and my life. and the snapshots of those who cross my path.

august

wow its been forever.
not that anyone cares.

starting a blog for fausto.
i hope i'm more disciplined with keeping it up.
which really shouldnt be a problem once classes start up again.
i've got one of those lovely schedules with a three hour gap right in the middle.
oh well, time to do calculus homework i suppose.

i'll post a link once i start the blog, which may not be for a minute.
nick and i are moving this week and i'm really just waiting for him to walk in the door so we can start moving things.

fausto is bored, wants to stand on top of my laptop,
eat my peewee herman button off my shorts,
and be the center of the universe.
he has hick-ups right now and is pissed that i'm laughing at him.

adieu

tired

i burried my grandmother this past tuesday, the 19th. she was hit by breast cancer for the second time in her great life and it moved to her brain. goddamn shit took her out in two weeks. i didnt get to say goodbye.
i didnt get to pull weeds for her in her garden one last time,
i didnt get to sleep on her god awful uncomfortable couch after watching a special on pbs with her.
i didnt get to attempt the new york times crossword puzzle with her.
i didnt get to see her as the strong and stubborn woman that she was before the cancer stole her eyesight from her.
i didnt get force fed lima beans and tomatos by her.
i didnt get to drink an ice cold orange soda from her fridge or try to learn how to knit for the billionth time.

even though she lived in kentucky, an hour and a half away from me, i miss her.
even though i didnt see her but 5 or 6 times a year, i miss her.
i took for granted the fact that she was always going to be there, invincible.

diane marie hebel clark was an amazing woman,
selfless and kind and loving.
she made sure her grand daughters were ladies, and her grandsons were gentlemen.

i'm glad she's in peace now and no longer in pain.

yesterday was a life changing day in my life.
i decided to change my major, so for the rest of the quarter i'm no longer in school.
i've never felt more free in my life.
i hated nursing.
i'm looking into business for the fall.

my existance and car were threatened by a crazy ex manager,
i think because he was jealous of my darling nicholas.
i dont like to be threatened.
dont fucking do it.

nick and i were haunted at grammers.
may 6th must have been an exciting day some time long long ago.
but the ghosts were very active.

my grandmother has breast cancer again.
she had it 30 years ago and got a double mastectomy.
now she's got it again and cytology has found cancer cells in her spinal fluid.
(shits spreading)
i'm stuck in cincinnati with no way to go visit her in lawrenceburg.
my radiator is cracked and i cant drive more than 1o miles before it freaks out.

its a ridiculous week.
its bitter sweet.
i'm worried

Oh Bed Thou Art Master

new blog loves.
its a 30 day photo documentation of the havoc that my bed and pillows wreck on my hair throughout the hours of the night while i sleep.
its pretty ridiculous.

http://ohbedthouartmaster.blogspot.com/

check it out.

25.

what would you do if i died?

i hate it when i get in these romantic moods and cant really do anything about it. i cant even express the trails my mind takes adequately or elloquently enough. but i'll give it a try.

i've lived in cincinnati my entire life. its my home. dont get me wrong, i love it here, but i need to not be here. i'm not one to care what other people think about me. life's too short to try to please everyone, but then, on the other hand, im tired of negative energy. for once i'd like to look at everyone around me and not wonder who said what awful thing about me behind my back. i went to college my last two years of highschool to get away from the dumb shit that goes on there. i dont understand how so many people who are much more grown than myself can act like such children.

i want to go camping in the southern country. i want to take a walk barefoot in the hazy dusk of a summer day. to breathe in the air thats contaminated with bird song and the smell of fresh cut grass. i want to ride a my bike into town wearing a knee length skirt, my shoulders bare to the heat of the sun, and pick up lunch at the local everything market and carry it back to the creek bank in my basket. we'll sit on a red and white checkered blanket and dip our toes in the cool water and i'll throw my head back in laughter at the story you whispered in my ear. we fall asleep together to the lull of insects in the trees and spend hours looking at the clouds. its perfect. its not going to happen.

instead i'm in walnut hills, watching east bound and down after dealing with four screaming kids all evening. my head is full of snot. my back is bruised from being shoved against all manner of things, well i guess that part is alright, it makes me smile. i'm tired and not nearly drunk enough for 11:35 on a friday night. i'll say hello to the capitan for you.

its a brand new day

tomorrow is my last day of spring break.
then school for another 11 weeks.
its going to be a struggle.

and the weather sucks.
what happened to sunshiney days?

i miss chicago and staying up late and having no responsibilities.
i hate school right now.
hate hate hate.
hate.


smashed my shin kicking t's bike at footdown yesterday.
it hurts worse than it looks.
but whatever, its really not that bad.

fuck being at home alone with nothing to do when i dont have work tomorrow.

st. ratricks

rat bikes at west town bikes

the read on thursday night

iker and keith and i

this past weekend in chicago was fantastic.
i met some really amazing people
and caught up with some people i've known.
we rode the shit out of some bikes
i literally rode the shit out of mine, sorry kelsey.

i cant wait till next year.

chicago,
i love you.

skyler and kate.
and daniel and yily and jerry

sometimes you just got to get fall down drunk

tracy me kelsey kate brian and jason

go forth child, scream and yell

i'm not going to settle for anything less than i want.
and what i want is becoming more and more evident every day.
this weekend was an epiphany of sorts.

to my friends who left me at grammers saturday night to figure out what the hell had just happened to me,
i hope you realize that you what you did was absolutely wretched, and, if you had been in the same situation and i had had my mind intact, i wouldn't have left you alone, like you did me.
i love you guys, but that hurt.
at least there are a few people who had my back.
a completely sincere and grateful thank you to them.

this is the last you'll hear about it.
i'm not one for dragging things through the mud.
i've moved on and today is a new day.

thanks to st. senica for the awesome show saturday night.
you guys are amazing and inspiring.

fisheye

heres the first round of photos from my new little fisheye camera by lomography. i'm just getting used to the camera so thats why a lot of the shots are really dark. i need to invest in a hotshoe flash as well i think. anyway. some of them turned out really great. these photos span the past two weeks or so. keith, the tillers, david, meatball and myself are pictured.

i make terrible decisions

i really do.

but i'm tired of being second choice.

i think i knew it all along but just needed a little confirmation of my complete stupidity.

i'm worth being someone's first choice.

i'm tired of fucking around.

18?

its been a rather mundane day so far.
studying a lot.
downloading more music than i know what to do with.
its empowered female artist day for me today.

Lil' Kim
M.I.A.
Amy Winehouse

its good to hear some of this stuff.



counting down the weeks till chicago.
i hope i'm not making a mistake by going.



mid packing. i need to clean. and sand. and paint.
fuck i have no time.

17

to do:
bank some cash money (set up direct deposit so i dont have to think about it)
sand walls at apartment
stop driving my new car like a pussy (its manual... i suck)
make playlists for roadtrip in march
pack my room up (i move in 2 and a half weeks)
find someone who wants to buy my totaled car for parts?!
take billions of pictures of everything
sleeeeeeeep
watch the rest of twin peaks
finish my kafka book

not to do:
give a fuck about anything

competency

I have a lot resting on today.
I know for a fact that i've worked myself up to the point where i'm slightly hysterical.
Inside anyway.
I think i'm pretty good at masking how i'm feeling sometimes.
I suppose thats not necessarily a good thing all the time.
I dont play poker so really, i'm not sure what good it is at all.

I am stressed.
But by 2:45 hopefully it'll all be over and i can sigh relief and move on.
Fuck some school.

fuck

so today started out just fine
then i wrecked my car
then mitch wrecked his car
and julia wrecked her car
and big mike got blown off the road in his car
and my dear friend lynn lost her father.

what the hell?

biking to work tomorrow.
i open.
its going to be invigorating.

i lied.
i'm definitely not defeated at all.
i'm so so not defeated.

i'm on fire baby.
take it take it like you know that you want to.


my name is micah
and i'm totally fine.
life is fantastic.
my friends are fantastic.
my apartment plumbing got fixed today.
i have heat.
and a job.
and i'm irresistable.

planning to go to chicago for st. ratrick's day.
virgin chicago experience.
asking off of work tomorrow.

grrrr. i feel great.

i quit.
seriously.



defeated.

alright

listening to iron and wine.
had a great, completely messily drunk night last night at the bikehaus.
(when is it not a great, completely messily drunk night at the bikehaus though?)
keith somehow got a fire extinguisher and made fog, it tasted like shit.
it was funny.
i laughed probably more than i have in a long time.
i just hope i didnt make a bad decision last night.
it seems to be alright, but then, i cant quite tell yet.
sometimes i over think things.
i just dont like being fucked with.

i bought a fisheye camera from urban outfitters today.
i cant wait for it to come (yay for online sale exclusives), and to put film in it
and to catalog great times with great people.
i also bought a nifty DIY everything you need to know about sewing book from amazon.
saweet.
i want to alter shit and save money
because i'm poor and i need to buy adult things
like hangers and a couch.

frank's (i dont know frank) birthday at the madhatter

March 1st

well it looks like its finally going to happen. i'm moving. i really wish that it could be something that my entire family could be happy about, but i know that my mom feels like i've slighted her because i no longer wish to reside under the same roof as she does. she'll forgive me. i'll be living in o'bryanville with my dearest sister laurie. work on my apartment located over the garage in her back yard will begin saturday afternoon with some hefty spackling (yes thats a word. its filling in holes with plaster and sanding them smooth before you prime and paint. i'm a rehabbing geek and this old house with norm was my favorite tv show growing up. we were going to get married.) i need to buy some stuff too. geeze. i need to work more. anyway, its going to be a great great time, i'm super excited about life right now. and it does not make me a pussy to live in my sisters garage. im just saying. i'll post photos of my little house after we work on it. you'll get sick of looking at it. no one follows my blog so i guess its really more for a nostalgic purpose that i even write on here.

tonight is someones birthday at the madhatter. the read's playing and its going to be awesome, as it always it. i think instead of getting drunk i'm going to photograph their set tonight. i have class at 9 am tomorrow morning so a hangover is the last thing that i need. trying to trade shifts saturday night so i can go to pdcopes show at the contemporary arts center and then to bikehaus and see the read again playing with catepillar tracks, digital kate and mo. its always a good time at the bikehaus. i'll be taking lots of photos, whether i take the digital or spring and buy some disposables and follow the pdcopes pathway. its going to be great.

say fuck the lemons and bail

this has been an interesting weekend to be sure. friday was great, until i got home of course. jerry and troy made the best goddamn pizza i've ever had in my life. saturday was my christmas work party. we like to procrastinate. after the party though there was the show at bikehaus, which turned out to be the best fun i've had all goddamn year, and beyond the scope of 2009, it was a pretty memorable night in my history. some stupid fuckers tried to start shit and that wasnt cool. but it was a fun night. i didn't go home, however, and just crashed on a couch. this in turn cost me my cell phone. fucking parents. i'm 18 goddamn years old, pay for school, for insurance, for gas, and they think that they can turn my phone off because i dont meet curfew. who the fuck still has a curfew? they're psychotic christian people that hate who i am because i dont read the bible and drop everything i'm doing to think "what would jesus do?" i'm terrible because i dont hang out with "respectable christian friends" all the goddamn time. i'm arrogant because i didnt want to drive drunk. i'm selfish because when i'm not working or in school, i dont want to be doing all the house work while everyone else in the house does shit. this isnt working. i need a new place. i need a me place. anyway, hopefully getting a new phone tomorrow. shitty that i cant keep my number, but i guess there's only a few people that regularly text or call me so the list of people needing the new number wont be very high. its one less thing they have on me.

my muscles are sore from a great deal of dancing and flailing. i'm supposed to do breakfast with my mom tomorrow because she thinks we need to talk. we dont need to talk. she wont listen to anything i say because she already has me written off as a failure who cant make decent decisions or be trusted with her own life. its my goddamn life, i'll do what the hell i want with it. and if i make mistakes, its part of the fucking learning process. my hair is getting long. i think i might cut it tomorrow with some clippers. the back sticks up funny. i look like a 12 year old boy when i towel dry it after a shower. and my bangs are poking me in the eyes. fuck. today i slept. i'm going to sleep after i finish reading "the fun home." its about lesbians. my mom thinks i'm a lesbian because i dont talk to her about boys. if i talked to her about boys she'd have to make sure they were christian and that they loved jesus more than air and that they would never think of touching their precious innocent little girl. they'd make him come over and play board games to "get to know the family" but they'd never aprove. because, i, i make the worst fucking decisions and need to be sent somewhere far away where other people can tell me who the fuck to be and how the fuck to act. my mother wants a robot.